Thursday, March 24, 2011

We're still checking on that hamster's whereabouts.

Let's face it people, sometimes in life you're just plain upstaged. And by "you", I of course mean "we". We were all totally upstaged at the last show by musical guest The Dime.

The irony, the horribly ironic irony of it all, that by inviting them to appear we were the architects of our own doom!

Personally, I'm used to be outclassed by pretty much everyone in life: my family, my friends, my coworkers, the people I went to college with, the people I went to high school with, the people I went to grade school with, my roommates, my dry cleaner, most of the bus drivers I meet, three fifths of my ex-girlfriends, one out of every ten baristas, plus one or two people who are in vegetative states, but NEVER the musical guest, NEVER until now.

Well fine Dime, we concede the day to you. It was an unfair match. There was no dishonor in it. The simple fact is we were soundly beaten. Heavy frigate like that in the Pacific could tip the war in Napoleon's favor. But by all means, don't take my word for it, watch for yourselves:

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Terrifyingly informative.

Let me just say one thing in regards to Marcus' fembot-related update: the man knows his stuff! I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say, the bar scene this weekend would have been a lot uglier if I hadn't been furnished with some of this very helpful advice.

I'm not saying that I had to create a makeshift bunker in a stall in the woman's restroom and defend myself with only an hors d'oeuvres kebab, but, well, I'm not not saying that either. You don't really need to hear about my social life. That'll all be in the next news update.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

My brain is stuck on one setting.

Blue Galaxy everyone. I mean, good morning everyone!

Sorry about that. See, The Dime played live at our last show, and, well, I don't know if you've heard "Blue Galaxy", but it's actually pretty catchy. In fact, once you've heard it, it's hard to Blue Galaxy anything else. I mean, think of anything else! Sheesh.

That's just how it's been for the last couple of days. What did I pick up at the store? Blue Galaxy. Who was that on the phone? Blue Galaxy. Once it's in your head, there's basically no room for anything else.

If you don't believe me, just give a little listen for yourself:

THE DIME - "BLUE GALAXY" music video from Andre Welsh on Vimeo.

See what I mean? Before you know it you'll Blue that under your Galaxy for days on end. I mean, sing that under your breath!

Wow, this is getting out of hand. I've got to break the cycle. Everyone, turn up your speakers, open all your windows, and Blue Galaxy until Blue Galaxy and Blue to the Blue up Galaxy total Galaxy.

No, wait, that's not what I meant to Blue Galaxy! I need to Blue Galaxy my Blue Galaxy before the only Blue I can Galaxy is "Blue Galaxy"! Gahh! I'm losing my Blue Galaxy! How am I ever going to be a Blue Galaxy if I the only Blue Galaxies I can use are Blue Galaxy? No one ever had a Blue Galaxy writing the same Blue Galaxy over and over again except for Dean Koontz!

I'm going to Blue two Galaxy and call it a Blue Galaxy. Hopefully by Blue Galaxy I'll have my Blue Galaxy back and this will all seem like a strange Blue Galaxy. Good Blue Galaxy and Galaxy.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

"It's not a lake, it's late night..."

In a late night show, the interviewer keeps asking "Why?", but there can be no explanation, and there shouldn't be one. The unanswered interview question is what stays with us the longest, and it's what we'll remember in the end.

Whoa, sorry, got the blog off on an odd foot there. See, I'm having trouble keeping in my head right now, because I just saw this interview with Ilkka Villi, star of "Alan Wake". This interview unsettled me. It was wild and dark and weird, even by my standards.

For some urgent reason I can't remember, I'd been driving too fast down a coastal road to get there. I saw the hitchhiker too late. He was dead, and I was convinced that they'd put me in jail and I'd never see Alice again. But I was in luck; it turned out the hitchhiker was the California Crusher. Naturally, a mere auto collision couldn't harm him. He just wanted a ride to the show.

Of course, that's when my troubles really began. It turned out, there hadn't been a late night show or a studio in that building in thirty years. Which I guess means that it's really amazing that the interview went as well as it did.

Yes, live, via Skype, Finnish actor and "Alan Wake" star Illka Villi chatted with host Dan Sullivan during tonight's taping about his experiences making the hit game, which has been described by some luminaries as being what would happen "if MC Escher was a writer, and also a douchebag."

It's possible that the interview was actually a false memory of a reenactment of something that Dan's shadowy alter ego wrote while under the influence of an otherworldly entity. I know that's when I do my best work.

Lovecraftian overtones aside, the show was a big hit, also featuring documentary filmmaker Windy Borman and Oakland rap group The Dime, and the whole thing should be going viral within a few days. We mean viral as in YouTube, not as in small pox. Although, that spreads pretty fast too.
Shooting schedule for April is forthcoming, just as soon as we figure out if this is all really happening or if it's just a story within a story that's being recovered through a dream via the ghost of a previous late night show. Also, once we figure out how to properly light all of these Dark Taken. They're just so...dark.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Radio Ads for Episode 4

Episode 4 Tapes a week from today. Please enjoy these radio ads. Local DJs feel free to call this a PSA.

60 Second Noir

60 Second Sci Fi

Yak fever will soon be a thing of the past.

You might assume from reading this blog, that I'm just some sort of cheap salesman or mercenary hack.

You may even speculate that I'm a tool of a faceless media juggernaut that wants to consume your free time in roughly the same volume as a whale consumess plankton.

Let me assure you that those assumptions are completely accurate. If anything, it's even worse than you think. Just watch:

Shame? Why, we don't know the meaning of the word.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

My own "48 Minute Film Project" fell through.

Of course, the Variety Society isn't the only thing going on in our lives. Well, I mean, it is mine, but that's because I'm actually a brain in a jar hooked up to an old dial-up modem, and this blog is my only means of contact with the world. But the other guys around here, they've all got lots of stuff going on.

For example, Viral Media Networks, the folks who bring you such fine fair as "The Variety Society", recently produced this little baby for this year's 48 Hour Film Project. I originally thought 48 Hours was a long runtime, but apparently I misunderstood the concept.

Our own Dan Sullivan and Erik Braa star, alongside a couple of very attractive gals who, perhaps not surprisingly, I've never seen anywhere near our show. Colin Murray, Justin LaneLutter, Brendon Fox, and Sam Jack all weigh in behind the camera.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Elephant in the Room.

We are humble folk by nature. We realize that even with all of our talent and wit and rugged good looks and minty fresh flavor, our regular on-staff performers just aren't sufficient to motivate a significant portion of the public to come see us

Not that we're bitter about it mind you. So we've given it our all and it's still not good enough, just like our fathers said would happen, so what? It's nothing that can't be solved with the judicious application of gin, right?

But wait a minute, just getting drunk doesn't make for quality TV! We should know, we've tried it. We also have to bring in top-quality talent from all over the Bay Area to cover up for our glaring deficiencies and self-loathing alcoholic antics. But who?

For a task that monumental, we would need someone with vision, someone with compassion, someone like Windy Borman, director and producer of The Eyes of Thailand, a new documentary film chronicling the heroic effort to save Asia's embattled elephant population. Yes, Windy Borman would be perfect. In fact, probably only Windy Borman can save us now. If only we had scheduled her.

What's that? We DID schedule her? And she's confirmed to appear on our show, live, March 12th, at the Boxcar Theatre Studios, 125A Hyde Street in San Francisco? Then we're saved! And we get to keep our 30-day chip! All this on top of the free extra taco at lunch makes this pretty much the best day ever.

Once again that's LIVE, MARCH 12th, BOXCAR THEATRE STUDIOS at 125A HYDE STREET IN SAN FRANCISCO. Because life is good, but life is better with the Variety Society. No, really, we tried it both ways, we know what we're talking about.