Being as we are just a few scants hours away from show time, it might be appropriate to pay some recognition to just a few of the people who have worked so hard to bring all of the elements of this show together.
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Sam Jack: Rogue CIA agent, billionaire playboy, and our esteemed producer. I'm not really sure if those first two things are true, but the producer part certainly is.
It's no exaggeration to say that Sam is the guy who has quite definitively made this show happen. See, he "produced" the program, I FINALLY understand what that term means!
The toughest part of Sam's job is that if you compliment him too much it seems like butt-kissing, so a lot of what he does really is a thankless contribution. Yeah, it's tough to be the boss.
Dan Sullivan: Our host, of course! If Sam is the guy who built the show, Dan is definitely the guy he built the show around.
As a writer, it's one of the great comforts in life to know that the material you produce will be in the hands of a very savvy, charismatic, accomplished performer who always knows exactly how to handle it.
Those of you at home can't tell, but I just cued up that sound effect from every episode of Full House where the audience goes "Awwww!"
Justin Lanelutter: Our head writer, plus producer and Music Man (just short of the requisite Seventy-Six Trombones though), and also the guy who brought me onboard, so clearly that's an accomplishment without precedent, right?
While I just got done crediting two other guys as being the guys without whom the show wouldn't exist, you really have to same the same about Justin because, hey, without him, we literally wouldn't have a show, the teleprompter would be empty!
And don't go looking at me, without Justin to answer to I'd have probably spent the last six weeks doodling horsies in my notebook and talking about how I think sloths get a bad rap (they really do, btw).
Nick Comney: Associate producer and contributing writer, the guy who did the very difficult legwork of securing guests and shooting space and all of that other stuff that the rest of us just assume magical elves take care of or something.
Nick, gotta say, great work all around, and just once more for the record, I was not the one who spread the rumor around the production that you are a werewolf.
Although I was the one who put silver shavings into your coffee. But in my defense, I thought I was doing you a favor.
Colin Murray: Our director. And if that right there doesn't sound like just about the bravest thing a guy can do with this crowd already then I don't even know what else to tell you.
Marcus Sams: A guy who was awesome enough to sign on as our newsman when we were in really desperate need, and who was then immediately rewarded by being handed the absolute most difficult to perform material in the entire show.
I haven't gotten to meet Marcus yet but I sure hope he doesn't hold a grudge, otherwise I may have to change my name or play dumb for fear that he'll go straight from handshake to headlock.
Erik Braa: Our phenomenal announcer, who quite honestly
Erik could have just prerecorded all of his stuff, but he made a point of wanting to be live in the studio for the taping, which shows real dedication.
Brendon Fox: Floor director, B-unit director, and a man with quite a steady editing hand (I tried so hard to make that rhyme but it just didn't shake out).
I can't really tell you much about what Brendon does because, well, it's stuff that's really beyond my feeble mind to even understand, much less explain. If I had his job our camera setup would consist of a monkey with a Polaroid who would just create a very elaborate flipbook. Thank God for Brendon.
Adam L Brinklow: For the most part we've got a good crew here, but this last guy is just plain bad news. He started submitting his material to us via launching great heaps of manuscripts at our producer from a catapult he had set up on the roof.
We told him to stop, but he just wouldn't take no for an answer. And I mean that literally; every time we said "No!" he just repeated back "Yes?" with a kind of deer-in-headlights expression.
Turns out he's on some kind of work release program from San Quentin. We really didn't want to hire him, but we felt a little bad because his only other recourse was a gig in a fireworks factory where he'd have a fifty-fifty chance of being blinded within the first six months.
For the most part now he just pitches jokes that are half unprintable obscenities mingled and half threatening remarks directed at the post office, or as he calls them, "The foot soldiers of the Illuminati!"
I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention our interns, Nick Hanna, Christian Estrada, and Erin Walker. Oh, and Extraordinarily Excitable Ed, of course, but I figured you'd remember him from earlier. He's not a man you easily forget.
***
We're all on the edges of our seats waiting for the big day, and it had better come soon because the edges of our seats are pointy and uncomfortable (we'll have different seats at the show).
Anyone who can't make it out...should be incredibly ashamed of themselves. But since we're in a magnanimous mood, the show in its entirety will be available through a number of channels online, including right here. Yep, we're just that awesome. Spread the word.
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