Zero hour.

Holy crap, we're taping a TV show in three days! Why didn't anyone tell me?

You say you told me repeatedly? Well why didn't you make sure I was paying attention?

You say I repeated the information back to you and have been telling people about it for weeks now?

Alright, forget that, that's all details, we've got to get our act together here. First thing we need is the final script, whose job is that? You say that's my job? Um, right. Okay. I'm all over it.

Now we need a host. Somebody get Dan out of the cryogenic freezing tube we keep him in between shoots. He needs at least two days to thaw out. If he gets freezer burn you're paying for a new one!

Ah damn, you mean we've gotta have guests on this show too? Geez, it's all coming at me at once! Well who do we have lined up? Joshua Davis from Wired Magazine, you say? Awesome, I've got lots of insightful wire-related questions prepped. I'm personally very interested in hearing his opinion on the brewing controversy regarding solid versus stranded wire and the most efficient method of jacketing.

Okay, turns out Wired Magazine is not about what I think it's about. No problem, I'm rolling with the punches here. In addition to Davis, local sketch comedy group Piano Fight will be performing, and the guys from Endgames will also be stopping by.

See what I did there when I said "stopping by", as though this was just a casual thing they do on the fly instead of a scheduled event worked out weeks ahead of time? That's showbiz talk. See, we're getting the hang of this already!

Now I did some measurements and it turns out my garage has inadequate shooting space. Also there's nowhere to seat the audience. Also, I don't actually have a garage, I've just been parking my car and storing boxes in my neighbors', and they're getting pretty fed up with me as it is.

All things considered, we should probably just move the whole production to the Ninth Street Independent Film Center at 145 9th Street (between Minna and Natoma).

Once again that's the Ninth Street Independent Film Center at 145 9th Street in San Francisco (between Minna and Natoma), where we begin seating at 4:30 PM.

And as long as I'm on the subject, we're going to need an audience too. Now where does one go about finding that? I already checked Amazon and the hardware store down the street, but no luck, so I guess we'll have to do this the old-fashioned way.

You, you, and you, go get three people you know and bring them back here! No, wait, on second thought don't bring them here, I've got nowhere to put them. Instead just bring them to the Ninth Street Independent Film Center at 145 9th Street (between Minna and Natoma) at 4:30 PM this Saturday, November 13th!

Okay, it's all finally coming together! Everyone has been working around the clock for weeks now (okay, it was less of a clock and more one of those old-fashioned egg timers, but still) and we're very excited about the big night. Also, slightly terrified. But it's okay, we've got anti-anxiety meds, we're totally cool. And if we wig out, we'll just edit it later.

See, TV is so much easier than real life.